Becoming New.
Rinsing away the beliefs that muddied my truths.
It is in the body that I must be reborn.
There is nothing to change, there is only misconceptions to wash away.
It was my brokenness that led me to a willingness to create a new.
In order to even begin becoming new. I had to rinse away the beliefs that caused me to numb, to build the walls around my heart and to devalue all that I am. I did not know any different. We can not know what we do not know.
I believed I was my past, my thoughts, my decisions and this unhappy life was a reflection of my consequences; the muddy thoughts of my beliefs about myself.
It takes a willingness to feel things in a way I have not known. I do not believe, in my mind, I can think things a new.
I have to feel into the body, the stored pains, traumas and emotions that said here is what I must do to keep myself safe. I was believing it was safe and what it was, was separation and limitation.
Once again separation is at the top of the list, behaviors that create separation, hiding that creates separation, simply not feeling the worth to be a part of. This was my belief system and it was time to rinse the beliefs away. Before I could even begin to forgive, let go and become new I had to strip away the layers and masks of my limited thoughts and beliefs.
Layer by layer.
Yoga created a presence in my body, a connection to the breath I had never known, an acceptance of being exactly who I am in each moment.
In that space of my practice, (which became a yogic lifestyle of practice in all I did) there was no past, there was no future, there was simply the moment full of acceptance.
In that space there was a love no other human can give or explain, there was a sense of belonging, connection and innocence. Nature is this love, the constant reminder I am here, breathing and therefore I have purpose. The mother ho is always providing, always an example and always nurturing. Learning a new way of being, a simple way of being and a slowing down I had never known before.
What I came to discover is there is no right or wrong, no sin, no proving and no punishment. The guilt and shame is simply confusion. It had held me down and back, in my mind, for too long and it was within my power to release it. My guilt and shame were the chains, of limitation, and all the sudden I had the key to unlock the chains. The key to the beliefs of separation.
In that moment there is only acceptance. In the now there is no expectation there is simply being. The more I stay here, present in myself, I realize there is so much enjoyment within my willingness, my openness and my own belonging. And why, because I am here and that is all the evidence I need.
No longer needing a belonging from another, just an internal belonging of the stillness within, the sweet quiet presence of me.
The attachment to the past, who I believed I was.
The attachments I had to suffering, victimization and limitations.
The masks of pretending, the need of acceptance, the desire to be seen and understood.
The years of misunderstandings, it all began to wash away.
A practice of allowing the heart to soften, rising through the mud of my thoughts and and beliefs.
The real work is what happens within, the real work can not be seen, a releasing of whats been so tightly help in the body and a rewiring of the thoughts.
As I rinse through the layers there is this openness within the brokenness.
Suddenly I feel and know wholeness,; forgiveness, acceptance and a love from within.
I actually began to love who I am.
I began to discover the presence of now and how that is all that matters.
This is a practice and the more I practice the more it simply becomes the way.
Pushing through the mud,
cleansing through the water,
an opening of love and acceptance can begin.
In order to rinse, to let go, or to move on I must recognize and heal the beliefs within.
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare
How do recognize the thoughts of limitation and separation? How do you heal?
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