Rooted in the home of this body; an awareness of the mind, emotions, and truths of who I am. Allowing the chaos of life to happen and trusting my own inner peace.
This is the most learned lesson of 2020.
What a rollercoaster, the longest and fastest year of my life.
Journaling prompts I used to write this letter to 2020:
How have I shown up for myself and others this year?
What have I had to face this year?
In what was did I 'rise' to the occasion?
What surprised me? - haha that's the funniest
What fears did I have to face this year?
Who came into my life in a strong or meaningful way this year?
Where have I brought love to a situation?
In what ways did my heart, mind, and/or spirit expand this year?
What am I grateful for from this year?
Dear 2020 through the perspective of Alicia,
In January I had my website up, blogging, and reaching out to new clients. Speaking at companies through FitPro on personal growth. Everything I prepared for the previous few months was finally coming to fruition, I could see the newness, expansion, and clearer vision on 2020. And now I think, oh silly human, like you have any control over anything.
February the whole family was together. My daughter, son in law and grandson from Hawaii. My son came in from LA. Thank the stars above we had no idea flying was about to become halted.
My grandson, Djembe, had an inner knowing, "throw up your hands and get prepared for the ride that is about to come." He has been called the buddha baby and there he was with that straight face and we are all laughing. Look at my beautiful grandmother out there on a cold day walking around the park and smiling for our picture.
What seemed in a moment's notice I had no work. Then the earthquake happened in Utah and I knew this was the start of what was going to be one crazy ride of a year. I listened to my gut and gave the notice to end the lease at the year mark in April, having no idea what I was going to do.
That was the first part of showing up for myself.
Showing up for myself and others, facing leaving the sanctuary of MY home, and moving in with someone who I had met less than 10 times. I moved in with Lina. This is the human who came into my life the strongest and in the most meaningful way. Not in comparison to others, everyone showed up for me in ways I could never have imagined or known I would have needed. Yet this friendship became a sisterhood, an auntie to my girls and my girls falling in love with her daughter. It surprised me how it all just magically became love, growth, expansion, and realization beyond our wildest dreams. I think it was the many WimHof sessions with Shelley that helped so much :) Those cold baths really help to center you into your endurance.
I realized the calm, balance, and centered being I truly am. And by showing up in my truths, I create that in others. I realized that this one of my most potent gifts.
The months went by and it was like being in the cradle and being held by myself and all those surrounding me. Lina and I did a health reset with Purium during this time and it was truly a new leveling up on my health journey.
Which inspired me to put together and offer my course, Embody Self Awareness, which I am now on my 6th session of sharing the course. That was facing a huge fear for me. And I am so grateful I pushed through that fear and chose to shine vs continuing to dim. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share the wisdom I have gained for the last 7 years of study with others. This has expanded my heart, mind, spirit, and HEART on levels that continue to surprise me. In ways, I truly have come to accept and appreciate myself so much more. The time of living with Lina came to a close at the end of July when her lease was over.
Remember the picture of my beautiful 92-year-old grandma above, well that was my next landing spot. I was so excited to be able to save on paying rent, (which had been such a struggle), to support my grandma and be able to nurture her and connect in ways with her that I have been able to since I was younger.
The first week of September I went to St George to take care of my friend's 3 daughters. Her oldest daughter attempted suicide while I was there caring for her. Seeing her leave by ambulance and having to call my friend who was thousands of miles away was incredibly challenging, shocking and one of the most traumatic moments I have had for quite some time; rising to an occasion I had never had envisioned being in.
This picture was at a celebration after we all recovered from that week. This sisterhood of women and one is missing, has shown up for me and loved me in ways I have never known from friends. We call ourselves the SisterWives, there are 5 of us and we have been there for each other through it all. To have such a silly at the day spa and being together, warms my heart. That situation had me rising, facing fears, and absolutely needing the love of these women to get through it.
After spending the weekend together and mending what I could, I came back home to my grandma's with what felt like a piece of a broken heart.
And the next day after getting home was quite the surprise. My grandmother had a stroke in my arms and passed away 2 days later. I wrote about this and having to face grief, be within the sacred space of grief and my soul, and discovering the joy and love of grief.
Being able to be with my mother and her sisters during this process was wonderful. I am grateful I was there and was able to continue to be in my truths, allowing the chaos and staying still in my inner peace. It took me a good 3 months to heal from all of that and yet I had the opportunity to show myself with more love and self-care than ever before. I have never laid upon the earth as much as I had for the next couple of months. The neighbors may have thought I was strange and I did not give a FUCK, nothing felt more nurturing than feeling the earth below me and the light of the sun shining on me. That process truly fulfilled a part of my spirit and the love and acceptance grow deeper roots within me.
I made so many other wonderful friends this year and rekindled other friendships.
The moon circle and the woman of our community showing up for each other and the community in the ways we could.
Fenn, a friend who stepped in and found a place for my daughters and me to stay when grandmas house was sold and we had nowhere else to go. She was one of the greatest miracles that appeared in my life.
Then surprise after surprise began to happen. It is amazing to be able to give and serve, I believe it is a great purpose for us being here. And there is such an amazing gift that comes to all when you can receive, to humbly say yes I need that support and thank you. No one is more important than the other, they are a part of the balance. My mother was also one of those who has been a huge part of feeling my spirit and heart open wider and wider. I love my mother so much!!!
And now here I am back with Lina temporarily until I figure out my next move. Which is beginning a new career in January, as I continue to grow Alicia Joy and my Embody Self Awareness courses.
Self Acceptance, Self-compassion, and Self Responsibility have been the highlights of my growth for this past year. I know all of that begins here within me, I need to fill the well within me. Then I can go and be that for those around me and the world. And that is my purpose, that is my service of being here on this planet to be the truths of acceptance, compassion, and personal responsibility,
2020 thank you for all the curveballs, the reminder that home is always here within me, it is all up to me, my perspective, my peace, and the love.
Thank you to everyone who I did not mention in this letter for being a part of my world. Every human who I have met or come across this year I LOVE YOU and thank you, thank you, thank you for simply being you and the acceptance to continue to be a part of this collective.
2020 I am happy to see you go, to start a new fresh day planner, and to say all that is in the past-happily leaving it all there. And again thank you!
With a humble heart,
Alicia
I hope this prompts you to write to yourself and 2020 a letter. The original letter i wrote from my heart on paper, which I simply typed up here, I will now go burn.
As the ashes fall I will let go and within the smoke, I will call in the continued love and support of the great unknown that is always here FOR me.
May I continue to know my greatest lesson of this year, allow and trust the inner peace of the truths of who you are. I am LOVE. I am a part of the great unknown living out the experience of Alicia. I am powerful. I am PEACE. I AM.
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