The Flow

The flow of 2020 in a river rafting analogy.

Jan 2020 - a year of clear vision woohoo ... excited and stepping into the raft.

March of 2020 what the hell is happening?

a weird sinking feeling of the unknown.

Most of the time I am perfectly safe sitting in the raft feeling the flow, smiling, and enjoying the ride.

Sometimes (hello 2020) it becomes turbulent, rocky, being tossed all over the place, and fear sets in.

During this rafting experience in Costa Rica, for the most part, it was incredibly fun.

Then there was a moment the raft flipped over, thrown out into the darkness of the turbulent water, scared and unaware of where I was and what to do. And then the lifejacket popped me back up above the water and the raft was on top of my head.

In life, we are not wearing a life jacket that pops us back up to the surface, or are we?

Do we create the lifejacket that can pop us back up on top of the turbulence life offers up?

My life jacket would be surrendering, trusting, and allowing the flow of life to BE.

Trusting and Surrendering into the wisdom of the great unknown that is here within me.

Moment by Moment.

Step by Step in the presence of the gift of NOW.

April 2020

I moved in with a friend, a friend who I had met just a few times. There was no guarantee we would enjoy this living arrangement or even find a rhythm with each other to be under one roof.

And yet there was this feeling within me that said yes this is where you are meant to be.

So I packed up 1/2 my things and let go of the rest. My 2 teenage daughters girls that always just trust me) and I moved in with Lina.

What an amazing experience to turned out to be.

We became the best of friends, like sisters, in that short 4.5 months.

That's all the time we had before her lease came up.

We supported and showed up for each other.

My girls call her Auntie and are like big sisters to her 6-year-old daughter.

A friendship I will cherish forever.

August 2020

We moved in with my 92-year-old grandmother. She was finally at that stage of needing some more support with her daily to-dos. And financially I was not quite sure what else to do but find the gratitude that my grandmother and I could both be there for each other.

September 2020

We were in St George for the weekend, taking care of one of my besties teens while she went out of town. One of her daughters came into my room and said, "call 911 I took all my meds (about 150 pills) about an hour ago."

That was hard, a very rocky feeling and it took some massive calming of my nervous system.

We came back home to SLC on September 7th, I noticed grandma had not eaten and maybe not even had had a sip of water that entire day. I made grandma some food and helped her into her bed that night. The next morning we woke up to a crazy windstorm and the BBQ flying across the backyard. Grandma was not doing well and I called 911, for the second time in less than a week.

2 days later grandmas higher self, decided this human experience was at an end.

I wonder if that is how it works?

I believe there is a higher knowing, the great unknown, that is within us all.

And yes I believe there is a knowing when it is time to end this human experience.

I trust the higher self knows.

I trust that the higher self is what told my friend's daughter to come into my room and say I need help.

Needless to say once again a massive calming to my nervous system was needed.

I am moving once again on Nov 14th, to house sit for a friend for 2 months.

After that, honestly, I am in complete surrender and trust mode.

Knowing my higher self, that divine wisdom within will always lead me exactly where I need to be.

I am grateful for my practices; the love and acceptance within me.

Here is what has supported me through the past 8 months of some rough waters:

Home is here within this body.

Knowing I have all the gifts and tools,

to question my thoughts,

feel my emotions,

relax the body,

and remember I am a human BEING in an experience.

I connect with the BEING - the love and comfort here within.

Everything can be chaotic and rough out there, yet when I am still, feeling into the opposite of the fear, there is a knowing that only love is here.

When fear and pain is happening, the healing comes when I can feel the opposite.

I feel unsafe, slow down, and find the safe. This is where the healing happens.

The doing is what the world has taught me; the conditioning I am releasing to allow the surrender and trust of the BEING.

The trust that I have always been safe. It is a practice and a practice that has helped me heal.

No matter how bumpy. overturned, moments of drowning (or at least in my thoughts), and unsure things have felt. I have always been ok,.

It can feel really hard.

And it is can be a miraculous, beautiful, breathtakingly unbelievable joyous experience of humanness when I able to feel into the opposite of the hard.

Allow it - Trust it - It is a practice and you are worthy of the practice.

The tools:

There is a higher intuition within,

as I surrender and trust.

I am led to safe ground.

The grounding of this earthly experience and just how nurtured and held I am.

One foot in front of the other - It is not a race and I get to go at my own pace.

As I remember, compassion is the thief of joy.

This is the home I always have, safely on the earth and within this body; this is my home.

My morning practice rooting me into the present moment:

Rollover to my right side and notice I am waking up to a brand new day.

The gratitude of the bed which held me while I slept, rested, and restored.

3 big breaths into my body; an awareness of how incredibly brilliant and divine this human body is.

Feet on the ground, the sun has risen and so have I.

I stand and open my arms to the sky and say, I am connected.

Hands to my heart, I am grateful.

Hands to my womb, I am giving, a creator, the creator of my reality,

Arms open and to my side, I am grounded, open, and receiving all that is for my good and the good of my future self.

And then I meditate. My favorite lately has been an Isha Kriya led by Sadhguru.

And now my day begins. No past, no future. Simply the present moment.

This choice I make to show up.

My perception,

my outlook,

my openness,

my willingness that is all up to me.

What do you do to put on your own lifejacket for the day?

To prepare yourself for what is being offered up for your experience.

We are human BEINGS.

Slow down and be with the bubbles of soap that cleanse the hands,

the nutrients that fuel the body,

the thoughts you think,

the words you say,

the emotions you feel,

this is your intuition guiding you through the experience.

Noticing every little thing that is happening FOR you to be within this human experience.

It is a practice. You are worthy of the practice. The practice is the joy of the experience.

Remembering it is up to me.

A victim or a survivor?

Hard or playful?

I chose playfulness,

as soon as I am able to catch my breath,

and remember who I am,

the great unknown experiencing humanness.

These are the tools and gifts I share in my Embody Self Awareness courses.

The practice of remembering the love that we are.

The next course begins November 17th -

A gift of 6 weeks of an hour and a half to ground down into the truths of who you and the tools and practice of our human experience.

Visit: https://aliciajoyful.podia.com/ for more information and to enroll.

Offering the course as a gifting process and donation-based, email me for the coupon code.