We all began as a willingness

Things feel so tight and rigid,

buried under the shame,

numbing out the emotions,

keeping so busy there is no time for presence,

wearing the many personas for the world to see,

Deep down it is all so painful, yet I can not feel that pain, there is a numbness I am so familiar with. With the weight of carrying all the guilt, the not good enoughs, should bes, suppose to bes and appearances, just keep running that is how you stay safe.

And then one day it all crumbled. Everything I was holding up, all the personas, all the beliefs, all the lies, it all crumbled.

I feel like one of the lucky ones, it all crumbled. I lived in this state of hiding, pretending and numbing for so many years. And now here I am buried and time to create something new.

It took a willingness. A willingness to slow down and finally be within.

That is where the healing begins, it begins with your willingness to go within.

There are many resources for healing and creating anew.

And the greatest source of your healing is right there inside of you.

Within your willingness.

What does that mean willingly to go within? How does one even begin?

My experience of going within is questioning what is true to me. This is how I began.

I remember saying to my mentor one day, this questioning is hard! I don't know how I see them, I don't know how I see myself with that belief, I don't know! It is hard!

And her sweet reply, "What is hard, this questioning or living in the pain of your thoughts?"

I had never known a world where the answers were within. They were through him, through the parents, the wiser ones, it took praying to an outside source to get the answers and confessing to a him to receive forgiveness. No one ever said the answers were within me.

An awareness now that it is all within, I do know, I have always known. It takes a willingness, a trusting and an open heart. The forgiveness and the answers are here within.

And I have choice, I chose my hard. I make the choice that feels true within.

We all began as a willingness. A willingness to come be human on planet earth.