Who I am not - Part 2

I am not that little girl who was so scared

I am not the bad person I thought I was

I am not the victim, I innocently. came to believe

I created a reality of those beliefs, innocently as a sweet little girl.

I created those beliefs, there was something about those beliefs that kept me safe, or so I believed.

I am not a victim.

I am not my personality.

I am not this body,

I am not my thoughts,

I am not my beliefs,

I am not my emotions.

I never knew I was not those things

I always believed I was all of those things. I attached myself to all of that and everything in life just happened to me. Nothing was by my choice and therefore not my responsibility.

I moved through life reacting

Numbing out from all emotions

Making myself so busy that there was never a present moment

Running from my past and plowing into the future,

No choice.

No responsibility,

This began to dissolve through my yoga practice. I was becoming aware, I was feeling into the present, I was opening.

My first experience of The Work of Byron Katie. Caralee said, "lets question that thought Alicia"

My thighs are too ugly to wear shorts

(she asks)

Is it true? -Yes

Can you absolutely know it is true? -Yes

How do you react when you believe that thought?

I feel bad, I feel damaged, I am scared of what others will think of me, I feel shameful, I am embarrassed, I am not good enough, there is something wrong with me

my stomach feels empty and that emptiness moves up to my heart and it hurts.

I hate my body. My body has brought me a lot of pain and confusion in my life.

How do you treat yourself ?

Terrible and I miss out wearing short - I am not good enough to wear the shorts

It is hurtful

It is cruel

It is mean

I treat my body as a punishment

Even after losing 60 pounds I still hated my body

The weight was a numbing, a way to hide

After losing the weight I found other ways to numb and show the body I do not trust.

I am punishing my body.

I am so attached to who I am with the appearance of my body.

Who would I be without that thought?

these legs are so strong and allow me to flow in yoga and move throughout life

I am free to wear shorts

I have a body and this body has nothing to do with the human being I am

I am accepting of myself

I feel love

I feel love and acceptance for myself

It feels more truthful to not believe that thought

This body is so incredible

This body has protected me, it is a shield, when I slow down and listen it guides me, I feel the warning signs in my body

This body, the heart that ticks, the lungs that breath and the digestive system it all just works for me.

This body that birthed 4 children.

It is a miracle.

It is a brilliantly working machine.

I am so grateful for this body

I trust this body

I love this body

This body is what makes it possible for me to experience this humanness.

The worlds opened up in a whole new way.

There were more questions and more discovered during that session., yet there is an idea of the process.

The Work, the 4 simple questions, opened me up to CHOICE.

This has been a constant practice in my life for the past 4 years.

Questioning every belief that cause me pain, stress and/or takes me out of contentment.

I question the thought.

Of course, I could just look at the thought and realize well that's not true and go on.

Yet, this is a practice,

a meditation,

the practice has helped me peel away all the layer of who I am NOT,

how i react

how i feel in my body,

how this belief shows up in my body,

the emotions I feel,

When I get still and recognize the judgments and beliefs,

I can see where my personality is protecting me,

it is something I have known

and as I become more conscious there is choice is to know a different way.

I go back to that first childhood memory and I can understand where that belief came from,

I thank myself for doing what I needed in that moment to feel safe

I have choice, awareness into who I am now

The experience brings me back into my heart center.

I feel everything shift.

I feel a gentleness.

I feel an appreciation.

I feel truth.

Through that lens of choice, seeing myself without that belief

I am taking responsibility for all of me,

I am making the choice right now,

I find so much compassion

My body feels light

I am living my life from my heart center

I am feeling my emotions, no more numbing

There is no attachment, there is simply an opening.

YOU HAVE TO FEEL IT TO HEAL IT,

I could look at that reminder every day and still need to read it.

I AM LOVE

experiencing this humanness.

It is my responsibility and my choice to live my most JOYFUL life

Heart centered and aware of the truth of who I am!

I AM the creator of my reality.

It all happens FOR me.

to learn

to grow

to experience

to love